Bride and Groom

My condolences on your marriage. You just adopted an adult baby who forgets to put the toilet lid down, comes 2 hours late to home even when you told him you were cooking dinner and feels that if it wasn’t for him, the kids would be running willy-nilly and causing destruction.

Let him think that he is the so-called “man of the house” because everyone knows who the boss is! I am afraid that if I burst my husband’s bubble, he might go poof and return back as a toddler.

Following are ten husband memes that I am sure you can relate to:

1. I am Tired

There he goes… thinking that he has just climbed Mount Everest and that asking him to do something else would make me the monster. Whether you are a working woman or a stay-at-home wife, these words coming out of your husband’s mouth can send you into a rage. Just because they did the dishes ONCE, doesn’t mean that they have done a chore that is beneath them. Women who don’t have maid services, I feel ya. They did the dishes, but we cleaned the floor, dusted the house, wiped the kitchen, washed the bathroom and the list goes on.

2. What? How? When?

Ooh… that clueless face they make!

Not to mention that they have been playing with the dog for an entire week and suddenly, they “realize” it’s there. And he says that I have a short attention span! I work, take care of the kids, make sure the house is clean and then cook so that he doesn’t eat any junk food from the cart outside his office and poison himself.

3. What Did You Do Today?

Raise your hand if your husband thinks that all you do is laze around the house and watch Netflix. Well, the kids ain’t getting ready by themselves, now are they? Waking them up in the morning, getting them ready for school, packing their lunches, cooking snacks so they have something to eat when they come back home, making sure that their school uniform is ironed properly, breaking up a fight… this article might end, but not the chores that we do. Daenerys was taking care of her dragons, but if you watched the Game of Thrones like I did, then you would have realized that those were actual kids! If you ask me, we are Wonder Woman and I am pretty sure they won’t be able to hold even Alfred’s position!

4. It’s NOT There!

Have you ever been in a yelling match with your husband because they believe you moved their keys, shirt or God forbid, their socks? In my case, I usually begin with, “If I find your keys sitting at the bedside table, you are taking me shopping in the evening.”

Lo and behold, the keys were at the table! How do they not see something that is right there, in front of their eyes? Honestly, it boggles my mind and makes me want to bang my head against the wall. If I had a penny for every time my husband “lost” something, I would be sipping tea with Beyoncé right now.

5. Where Is It? I Can’t Find It. Where Is It? I Can’t Find It.

It makes me so, so mad when my husband just keeps moving things around and says that he can’t find what he is looking for. Well, if he would just be patient, look closely and move things aside one by one, THEN HE WOULD FREAKING FIND IT!

Is that too much to ask? Next time, I might just glue toothpicks to his eyelids so that he gets a clear vision.

6. I’ll Kill You

Telling your kid that it’s time for bed and taking them to their room can become very exhausting. It’s mostly a game of push and pull between your kid whining “but I am not tired” and you saying “no, it’s time to sleep”. And then out of nowhere, your beloved husband says, “alright, 5 more minutes”. This continues for the next 20 minutes, while I sit on the sofa, ready to blow a gasket.

In Chandler’s words, “You have to stop the Q-Tip when there is resistance”. If looks could kill, I would have been widowed infinite times right now. What does he know? He will get up in the morning, get ready and go to work, while I will be left with the kids sobbing that they are too tired and don’t want to go to school.

7. Every Husband Ever!

No matter how handsome or smart your husband is, the ugly truth can’t be hidden for long. My husband doesn’t know this but he blows my patience to smithereens by saying, “Didn’t I place that book on the top shelf?”

Me [Teeth Clenched]: “Yes, darling, but that was 5 years ago!”

When will they start remembering?

8. Eggs, Bread, Milk, Juice… Ooh and a Dog

You can’t rely on your husband to do anything right.

You give them chicken and they will give you salmonella.

You tell them to take care of the kids while you spend some time with your friends, and they will create chaos and make your angels a willing participant.

You give them a grocery list to bring the necessary pantry staples, and they will get you a lot of things along with a dog or two.

You can expect to be surprised every time your husband returns from the grocery store because they will bring something that will make you want to kill them!

9. Are You Listening?

Me: Don’t forget to bring candles for the birthday party.

Husband [Listening to me intently]: Yes, darling… ah, what did you just say?

I feel like that one day, my husband will say the same thing when I tell him to pick up the kids from school. There’s no knowing what will catch his attention and make him forget as soon as the phone disconnects.

10. Nope, You Are Wrong

I like to indulge my husband when he is talking about something that he feels is right. Let me tell you — he’s wrong even before he says the words. In fact, all husbands have no idea that whatever ideas or suggestions they have and give, are wrong. It’s because we know better and we always will.