Motherhood, motherhood, motherhood. It really is like our work is never done. Thankfully, I’ve got a quick break packed into twenty five memes for you – before your kids come barreling down the hall asking for something for the 700th time today. So scroll on, ladies, before your kids are here to seize the rest of your day.
Oh, life before children! Things were so much easier back then, weren’t they? But at this point, if I’m wearing a cute blazer and earrings and get my kids buckled without too much drama, then today’s going to be a great day.
We all know it’s true. With the first kid, our Pinterest aspirations are limitless. But by the third one? You’re lucky if you’re getting swaddled at all, kiddo.
And I swear – it tastes exactly the same. Go ask him instead. Mommy’s real busy crying into some memes.
After we’re done holding our breath and hoping that they’re really and truly asleep, it’s time to celebrate. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for this break from the insanity.
Even if we’re exhausted by our kids sometimes, at the end of the day we’ll do just about anything for them. And it feels great to see them open the gift they’d been whining for – especially after we’ve spent all autumn terrorizing them about not being able to get it. Nothing like that arsenal of mom tricks we got up our sleeves!
I swear, keeping ourselves in one piece is actually impossible. But motherhood teaches us a lot. For example, before I had children, I had no idea that smile-crying out of stress was a thing!
There aren’t enough spoonfuls of sugar to help the medicine of a hard day go down smooth. By the end of the day, our true form’s emerged – “Blast those wretched, wretched kids!”
Sometimes all we really need is just a little private cry in the bathroom. Or, if we have the luxury, in our office. How do other moms do it? The ones that look like they have it all together? My guess is that they’re crying in their bathrooms too.
Dear god, it never ends! Can someone else answer to the name “mom” for once? Just once?
It isn’t until we’re saying things like this ourselves that we glance in the mirror with horror and realize: we have become our mothers.
There are few things worse than being caught eating the delicious thing you were so desperate to save for yourself. I’m not eating anything! Go back to the living room! Mommy’s got a secret stash of chocolate you’ll only learn about if you have kids yourself one day.
When daddy’s home, you can catch me sprinting out the door faster than you can yell, “Baiiii!”
For real. Come on, little dude. Can’t you see I’m busy here? Moms just about never get a second to themselves, do they?
I’m dead. This one is too real! Following you from room to room…there’s really no escape.
When they follow you everywhere, even the little things seem golden and faraway. Little things like pooping by yourself, with nobody pounding on the door screaming “mom.”
The only trouble is, when I am enjoying that bliss alone for a moment, I get incredibly suspicious. The only thing worse than a noisy toddler? An abruptly silent one.
Okay, bad mom alert – but isn’t that the way it is? Siblings are always at each other’s throats. We parents have two options: get angry about it and punish them, making both kids mad – or acknowledge a good burn when it’s good. For my own sanity, I’ll go with option two, thanks.
Why? Why do husbands do this? Don’t they want the five extra minutes like we do? Some things I’ll just never understand…
Another thing I’ll never understand? Why children are so abysmal at finding things. Like when your kid “can’t find” their book – which is sitting on the coffee table where they left it. Use. Your. Eyeballs.
Okay. My whole family seems to have some truly noteworthy potty mouths. So why be surprised when the kids inherit the same? All you can do is applaud proper use of the words. After all, a good sign of intelligence is incorporating new vocabulary, right?
Some children truly give no fucks. Especially after a meltdown, it seems like getting carried feels like a victory lap for them. Is this really what they wanted the whole damn time?
They just stand there staring. It immediately triggers some Poltergeist and Paranormal Activity vibes. Nope, no, nope. Go back to bed kid – and don’t you dare say a single thing about ghosts or your dead grandparents visiting.
Sometimes alone time is so sacred that Target is the holy place. Dear god I need me some me time. Oh, we’re out of toiletries? I volunteer! Just be sure the keys don’t rattle so the kids don’t ask to come too.
Oh, children. We can only be patient so long. And once the toys stand broken and thrown asunder like the living room is a battlefield, you can bet your ass the big black garbage bag is coming out. The coldest move? Doing it while they’re at school. That way, you can blame it on the garbage man or something.
Motherhood is hard, y’all! You’ve had your brief break – now head on back out there and soldier on. Only a few more hours til bed time!